I could make wine with my vomit
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm both gender and math confused
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