why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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