the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
