like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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