Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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