He kissed a someone with a penis
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
