Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
