i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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