I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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