I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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