i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
