I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
