So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
