At least make sure they are 18
Why
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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