Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
