I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
