I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
