What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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