I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
