make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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