You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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