is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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