I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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