Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
