Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize