you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
