I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
