He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
