I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't deserve a penis
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
