Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
