I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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