I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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