ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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