Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
