How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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