Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
