i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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