look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
vagina is talking i cant
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it's great music for shaving your balls
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
