I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
