I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
