so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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