Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
