she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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