We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
