come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
