I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
