My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
