Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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