my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
