shes about as inviting as chlamydia
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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