I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
