There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
