I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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