I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
