If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
