what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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