You made me cry and you don't even care
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
