you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
