Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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