Cold hands, warm shart.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
